32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
