I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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