just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
