i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
