i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
