That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
