You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Randomize
