6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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