and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
