Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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