My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
