Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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