I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
