I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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