Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
