I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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