I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
