Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Randomize
