A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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