Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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