if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
