I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
