somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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