i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
