Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
