this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
