why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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