I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
