I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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