well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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