he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
