I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
