he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
