Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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