found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
