So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
