so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
