My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
