I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
