I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
