when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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