matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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