ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Randomize
