I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
