wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
