We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
