Define "chronic" masturbator.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
