he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
