I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
