i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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