fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
