i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
